Not Giving In

So, I thought to give this a try, give writing a try. I have been doing what I don’t like for almost 4 years now, I have been doing it for money, doing it because I didn’t have anything else to do, or call it my clumsiness. But today sitting on my office seat doing nothing but writing my heart out alive again. I fear my manager will ask why I am not working, I have no answer to it but more fear. I guess I have earned this fear more than I have earned money. It is like a constant shadow that looms over me. But I wasn’t this afraid always, this past year has changed me a lot. I always knew I don’t like the work that I am doing. I was a programmer, or I should say I still am one, I still haven’t left my job. I am afraid again, I don’t know if leaving a steady pay is a good idea for something I don’t even know I am good at. Guess I like it when I write, closer to all the movies I have watched, closer to my favorite characters, closer to being happy.

I guess that’s what one works for right? For happiness? Then why do we get lost in the who did better or why do we get jealous when our junior gets promotion before us? we forget why we started, we forget the true purpose of life itself. I have realized it now, being happy is the goal, being rich is secondary. I have decided to do what I love. I still fear failure, but that won’t stop me now. I have been a stubborn child anyway, I want what I want. But this time the fight is bigger, it is about where my trueness lies. It is about the sense of belonging. I know I belong to writing and that’s what I will do to get the dose of happiness. I am taking a leap of faith, I am looking in the eyes of my fear. I won’t let it win.